To Be or Not To Be
by RogueWitch
Summary: Rory lets things go too far with Jess when she goes to see him at Truncheon, now she's pregnant and not sure what to do.
1. Chapter 1

To Be or Not To Be

Disclaimer: I do not own the Gilmore Girls, or any characters associated. I'm just taking them for a little ride.

Rory sat on the edge of the bathtub, in her old bathroom at her mother's house in Stars Hollow. She should be at Yale, her afternoon Lit class would start in only a few minutes, but she wouldn't face school, or go home to the apartment she shared with Logan; she couldn't even look Logan in the eye right now, let alone take up space in his Pent house. The egg timer on the counter dinged and Rory looked down at the pink and white stick next to it, two bold pink lines told her the same thing that the last six tests had, she was pregnant, and screwed.

Rory felt tears snake down her cheeks, how was she supposed to tell Logan that not only had she cheated on him, though he had done it first, but that she was also pregnant, and it was nearly definitely not his. Or course she knew what his solution would be, terminate the pregnancy and they would forget all about it. Her mother had been given the same option by Rory's paternal grandparents. Lorelei hadn't taken the easy way out, and neither was Rory. To be honest, she really didn't care about Logan's reaction; she'd been trying for the last two weeks to figure out how to break up with him. Jess had been right, not everything was fixed, she was still dating a jerk with a Porsche, and Jess had every right to be angry with her when she told him, despite the fact that she'd slept with him, she was still with Logan. She'd deserved every single hurtful thing he'd said to her, but the one that resonated in her mind was: "I thought you said everything was fixed." Until he said it, it hadn't really clicked with her, Logan was still a something she needed to fix, her love life needed fixing and now she wasn't sure if she could.

Lorelei found Rory that evening sitting at the desk in her old room, surrounded by balled up pieces of notebook paper. She gingerly picked her way through the room and put her hand on Rory's shoulder. "Hey, child of mine," she said gently, noting the tear tracks. "What's wrong?"

"I messed everything up," Rory said quietly. "I slept with Dean, I quit Yale, I stole a yacht." Rory could feel the hot tears rolling down her already chapped cheeks. "Jess yelled at me, told me I wasn't the girl he remembered. He was right, I'm not a DAR kind of person, I'm someone who mocks dumb movies and drinks way too much coffee, and spends an unnatural amount of time with my mother, and I've screwed it all up."

"Baby," Lorelei said, sitting down in Rory's old reading chair. "That was over a year ago."

"I slept with Jess," Rory said, her red eyes looking right into her mother's. "I went to his open house and told him everything was fixed, and we had sex, and I ruined everything."

"Did you tell Logan?" Lorelei asked. "Is that why your back?" Lorelei would be thrilled if she freed herself rom that jackass, these days she would gladly take Jess over the Blond Wonder. At least Jess was doing something with his life, instead of drinking and partying his way through the Ivy League, plus, Rory changed more then she wanted to admit.

Rory shook her head. "I've been trying to figure out a way to tell Jess," she said, indicating all of the discarded pieces of paper. "I don't know what to say."

"What do you need to tell Jess, honey?" Trying to follow Rory when she was upset was like trying to follow the plot of a badly dubbed Kung Fu film, everything came out piecemeal in the wrong order.

"That I'm pregnant, and I'm sorry, and I wasn't using him to get back at Logan," Rory took a deep breath. "I think I was using Logan to hide from all of my screw ups, since I slept with Dean, I shouldn't have let it all change me."

"Wait," Lorelei was stuck, not sure she was hearing what she was hearing. "You're pregnant?" A tear slipped off Rory's chin as she nodded. "Are you sure, sometimes those tests are wrong." Rory showed her the seven empty boxes in the trash. "You gave up faster than me, I took fourteen."

"They're more accurate now," Rory reasoned.

"Jess' open house was two weeks ago," Lorelei said. "You think it's his?" Rory nodded. "How do you know?"

"Logan and I haven't had sex in a while," Rory said. "And I was with Jess around the right time."

"Why are you still there then?" Lorelei asked.

"I didn't know how to leave," Rory told her. "I guess this is a pretty good out. 'Sorry Logan, I'm pregnant with another man's kid.'"

"So that's why you've been avoiding me," a voice said from the doorway. Both Rory and her mother jumped at the sound.

"Jesus, Logan," Lorelei shouted. "Don't you know its polite to knock before barging into someone else's home?"

"I've been ringing the doorbell for five minutes, I heard voices, I can in," Logan shouted back. "I'll have Finn pack your things," he said to Rory, then turned and left. Neither Gilmore said anything as they listened to his Porsche shriek out of the driveway.

"Well, that took care of itself," Lorelei said, not in the least bit sad to see the Huntzberger go.

"Yeah, but it'll be all around campus by Monday."

"Call Paris, then pack an overnight bag," Lorelei tossed her the phone and left the room.

"Where are we going?" Rory called, but her mother had already started clomping loudly up the stairs. She sighed and hit three on her cell phone. Who would have thought, after meeting Paris that first day at Chilton, she would be the friend Rory called to tell her she was pregnant. Paris was going to yell. Not that Paris every really did anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to Philadelphia was awful. Lorelai clutched the steering wheel as if it was a life like, while Rory sat in silence. Her call to Paris had gone exactly like she had thought it would, with Paris doing most of the talking, first yelling at Rory for her stupidity, then strategizing how Rory could still finish school and have a baby. Lorelai had said nothing since telling her to call Paris.

Rory sighed and looked out the window; her knees tucked up to her chest and let the reality of the situation wash over her. So far all she had done was cry and react to what was happening, but with Philadelphia and Jess looming closer and closer as Lorelai let the speedometer creep ever higher, Rory had to really think about what she was going to do. Lorelai had her packed and out of the house before she even said where they were going, and even then it was said to Luke over the phone and not actually directed at Rory herself. She figured her mother was hoping Luke would call Jess and warn him, but she didn't' think he would. She took Lorelai's silence as her being unable to talk to Rory about this yet, and Rory was glad, since she wasn't sure how to talk to her about this latest screw up. She was scared what her mother would have to say, but more than that, she was terrified about Jess' reaction. His parting words to her, as she did the walk of shame out of Truncheon, had been less than friendly, to be more accurate he had used words like 'disgusted,' 'bitch,' and 'over.' She didn't want her child to lonely have a tenuous relationship with its father, the way she had with hers. She had been lucky with having Luke in her life, but the way things were with her mother and the Diner owner recently, she didn't see even that as a given for her child. Sure, Luke would love her kid, it would be his grand niece or nephew after all, but she didn't see the close relationship she'd had the benefit of, due to his infatuation with her mother.

Even if Jess didn't kick her to the curb entirely, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to gain his trust back completely. Not after everything she'd done to hurt him. He still didn't know about her and Dean, how she'd broken up his marriage, that coupled with the fact that she'd used Jess to cheat on Logan didn't add anything to her credibility.

"Look alive, kid," Lorelai said, putting the car into park. "We're here."

Rory looked up at the sign above the door, wishing she could be anywhere but right there.

"The sooner you get this over with, the better."

"What if he throws me out?" Rory asked in a small voice. "He's going to hate me even more now."

"That's just something you're going to have to live with," Lorelai said. "But the sooner you tell him, the easier its going to be, and the more time you'll have to start picking up the pieces." Rory just nodded and unhooked her seatbelt.

The bell rang as Rory walked through the doors at Truncheon books. The place was as quiet as a library, the sort of place that Rory would usually feel right at home, but the back of her neck itched, as if she could feel the second that he noticed her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jess shouted, the other three people in the store shrunk away, hiding among the shelves, trying not to be notice. "After everything you've put me through, you think you can walk back in here like nothing has happened?"

Rory just shook her head as tears started to stream down her cheeks. "What are you going to say now, that its all fixed?" Jess continued. "I've heard it all before. You used me." Jess was right in front of her, yelling, like he wasn't in the least bit affected by her tears. "I loved you, and you used me to get back at your asshole of a boyfriend. Get out of my store, and don't ever show your face here again."

Rory sobbed and sunk to the ground, she deserved this, and everything he said was true, she shouldn't have come, but Lorelai insisted. The bell rang again, and Lorelai herself entered, allowing a few patrons to escape hurriedly.

"Get her out of here," Jess said to Lorelai, who stood over her daughter.

"I think you should listen to what she has to say before you kick her out of your life for good," Lorelai said calmly.

"I've heard enough," Jess said. "I never want to have to look at what she's become again."

The store was deathly silent so the crack of her mother's hand across Jess' face was nearly deafening.

"Shut up and sit down, you little bitch, and listen to what she has to say," Lorelei said. "Or so help me, I will make you."

Jess sat.

The store fell silent at Lorelai's demand. Jess looked stunned, another scathing remark fell silent on his tongue.

"Now I suggest you find us somewhere a little more privet to talk," Lorelai said, now that she had gotten their attention. "Before we drive all of your business away."

Jess nodded, his nerves still crackling at Rory's appearance. He didn't think he could be more angry at her, but just being close to her made his body react. He led them stiffly into the back room of the store where Chris and Matt had run to hide from Jess' outburst. At the sight of the three invading their sanctuary, they made a hasty retreat to the front of the store.

"Sit," ordered Lorelai. Both Rory and Jess availed themselves of the closest chairs, sitting side by side in front of Lorelai. "Now, Jess, I understand you have a lot of hurt feelings that you want to share, but I need you to put them aside and listen. I'm sure shen Rory's done you'll have better things to think about."

Jess opened his mouth to say something, but the look Lorelai gave him had him closing it very quickly.

"I suck," Rory's heart pounded in her ears and she wrung her hands in her lap, unable to look up. "I came here at the worst possible time, full of hurt feelings, and I kept the truth from you. I let things go much too far, and for that I'm sorry."

Jess laughed humorlessly and went to say something, but Rory continued. "For what it's worth, and while now its neither here nor there, Logan is gone for good." For the first time since she had seen the results for the first pregnancy test, her eyes were dry. Her face hurt and her eyes stung, but no tears leaked out. "I really don't know how to say this, and feel free to tell me to leave, but I thought, or Mom made me come out here and tell you in person, that you should know that I'm pregnant."

Jess just sat there for a minute, not sure what to say to the girl he'd been in love with since high school. He had been holding on so tightly to his anger, feeling more than justified, until she said the word 'pregnant.' He could feel his anger starting to dissolve. "It's mine," Jess said. It wasn't a question, but he waited for Rory to nod her head anyway. "Lorelai, do you mind if Rory and I talk alone for a minute?"

"No more yelling and name calling?" she asked, arching her eyebrow at the hoodlum who got her daughter in this situation, the boy who she was nearly positive was about to step up.

"I think I've gotten it out of my system," Jess said.

"Then I'll be just outside," Lorelai left them to their discussion.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to get this next part up, as usual, life has gotten in the way a bit, I'll try to be better, but I make no promises. Reviews help.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls.

"So," Jess said, with the wind out of his sails, he wasn't sure where the two of them stood. "It's only been two weeks."

"Yeah," Rory said, still looking down at her hands, not fully trusting Jess not to start yelling again, and half wishing he would, it would be easier.

"Isn't it a bit early to know?" he asked, grasping at things to say.

"Tests are better now," she said. "And as soon as I was late, I knew. I brought a test, just in case you wanted proof."

"I believe you," he told her, itching to take her hand and reassure her. "Lorelai wouldn't bring you all the way here just to mess with me, and this isn't your kind of practical joke."

"You know I don't expect anything from you," Rory said, as soon as she said it, though, she knew it wasn't true.

"I'm not going to be like Jimmy," he told her quietly. "I'm not going to run away and abandon my kid."

"I can't imagine that you want to be around me right now," Rory told him, looking away from her hands for the first time since you sat down, but not quite looking at Jess either.

"Rory," Jess said sadly. "I may be angry as hell about how you treated me, I'm hurt and I hate you just a little right now, but I also love you, that never stopped. This kid? It changes everything, but it also changes nothing."

"I'm scared," Rory blinked away the tears on her lashes and finally looked at Jess. He smiled sadly at her.

"I'm scared, too," he confided. "But we'll figure this out together. I'm not going to make you do this by yourself."

"Thank you," she said, Jess stood and pulled her into a hug, and she held on like she was scared he'd disappear.

"Now go wash your face," he said, holding her just away from his body, wishing he could close the distance between them, but knowing they were both still hurting too much for that to be a good idea. "I need to talk to your mom for a minute."

"God, you sound all grown up," Rory told him, before ascending the stairs.

Jess found Lorelai with her ear pressed to the door, trying to hear what they had been saying.

"You two can take my room tonight," Jess told her. "Unless you need to drive back tonight, I can take Rory back tomorrow."

"You're coming back to Stars Hollow?" Lorelai was only mildly shocked.

"At least for now," Jess told her. "I can write anywhere, and we have a couple of books I'm trying to edit. It's easier when the authors can't come bug you constantly and Rory's going to need more support than just her mother when she has to start telling people."

"I knew it was the right decision to come here," Lorelai said. "You've done a good job fixing my baby so far."

"We're a long way from Fixed, Lorelai," Jess said sadly. "That girl up there," he pointed up the stairs. "She's barely a shadow of the girl I loved in high school. I should have noticed when she was here a few weeks ago, but I was distracted."

"Impregnating my daughter," Lorelai said, giving him the stink eye.

"And it begins," Jess said. "Get it out now, because we can't be bickering and sniping at each other in front of Rory."

"Says the guy who only an hour ago was yelling at her."

"The situations changed," he said, folding his arms over his chest, daring her to contradict him.

"You've grown up," Lorelai said.

"It's been three years," Jess pointed out.

"It's more than that," Lorelai said. "You've really matured."

"I wanted to be good enough for Rory," he told her, scratching the back of his neck, looking bashful.

"And now?" The unsaid hung between then, like an elephant on a tight rope.

"And now I'll help her pick up the pieces," he said simply.

"Even though most of it isn't your mess?" she challenged.

"I love your daughter," Jess said. "Good or bad, she needs someone right now, and I can be that person, after that? We'll see."

Lorelai found Rory bundled up on Jess's couch, tucked under a blanket. She looked a little better, her face was scrubbed clean of any residual make up and she'd clearly splashed cold water on her face, because it seemed let puffy. Lorelai sat down next to her daughter and opened her arms. Rory tucked herself into her mother's arms, and for the first time all day, she felt alright.

"I keep waiting for you to get mad," Rory said, her head under her mother's chin. "I'm waiting for you to yell and scream and tell me how stupid I am."

"You're twenty one years old, almost twenty two," Lorelai said. "You don't need me to yell at you, you may have made a bad situation, but you made it with the right boy."

"You don't like Jess," Rory said, frowning.

"I didn't like high school Jess, who was always running away and causing trouble. I wasn't too fond of him when he asked you to run away with him, but he got you home from your grandparents and back at Yale," Lorelai said, smoothing down her daughter's hair. "And of the three boys you've dated, he's the only one mature enough to handle a baby."

"I think you're right," Rory said.

"Well, mommy's very wise," Lorelai said. "You're more you then when you came back from your grandparents, but he's right."

"I know," Rory told her. "I've been letting Logan define me."

"Well, you're going to need to start defining yourself," Lorelai said. "Our newest Lorelai is going to need her momma strong."

"I'm not naming my daughter Lorelai," Rory said. "I'm only two weeks pregnant, I don't even know if I'm having a girl."

"I think its good odds it's a girl," Lorelai said.

"I'm still not naming her Lorelai," Rory told her mother stubbornly.

"Oh sure you are," Lorelai laughed. "Just wait until that Demerol kicks in and you're telling the anesthesiologist how much you love him."

Jess stood in the doorway watching the mother and daughter interact, and was suddenly excited for what the future held.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been a while, but you know how life is, it's always interfering with fiction. This is a short one, but hopefully it'll get you through until I have some time to write something more substantial. Don't forget to Review!

That evening Rory sat on the floor of Truncheon Books, after the store had closed and just took in the silence of the darkened book store.

"I thought I'd find you down here," Jess said, sitting down next to her. "When we first opened the guys had to practically drag me up stairs at night."

"It's so peaceful," Rory whispered, as if afraid to break the magic. "Since I can't very well be a foreign correspondent now, maybe owning a bookstore would be a good alternative."

"Why can't you be a foreign correspondent?" Jess asked, leaning back against the book shelves.

"I don't see you letting me tote our daughter all over the world, and I'm not going to be one of those parents that leaves their kid for months on end," Rory said.

"We're having a girl?" Jess asked.

"Mom thinks so," Rory told him, a hint of a smile gracing her lips.

"Don't get too attached to that idea," Jess smirked. "I'm sure you've got a little Kerouac in there."

"Now, I have two names on the 'no' list," Rory said.

"So we're making lists already," Jess teased.

"Not as such, but I'm keeping a mental list of names that our daughter will not have."

"We are not naming it Lorelai, there are already too many of you," Jess said.

"That's already on the list, along with Jack," Rory looked around the darkened shop, taking a deep breath of the earthy musty smell of books. "You don't have any maternity books."

"We don't get a lot of people in here looking," Jess told her.

"I'm here looking," Rory teased.

"And that would make one person in more than a year," Jess bumped his shoulder against hers. "We can stop off at a big book store on the way back to Connecticut tomorrow."

"You're coming back to Stars Hollow?" Rory asked, trying not to hold her breath.

"My agent wants another rough manuscript by this fall," Jess said. "And I have a boat load of editing for two of the new authors that Truncheon is publishing, plus apparently my high school girlfriend's pregnant, so I figure it's my job to help her out."

"You don't have to," Rory said quietly, and Jess immediately hear the defeat in her voice, and knew he said the wrong thing.

"You're right," Jess said, taking her face in his hands and making her look at him. "I don't have to, I want to. This isn't the way I wanted us to go, but you're stuck with me. And we need to work on being friends and working as a team, because even if we aren't together, we're raising this kid together as a unit, no shuffling from house to house."

"Okay," Rory said a hint of a smile. "I think that sounds good."


End file.
